I have Fridays off. It’s a rare blessing to have the opportunity to spend time with my girl instead of scraping together more money for another day of day care. Our time is filled with food and play and *THE ROUTINE.* We live and die by this routine, and usually, we both appreciate it. Today, Lily was awake by (before?) 6am. No. We don’t start our day until 6:30 around here, because I said so. By 8:30, Lily was ready to go back to sleep. As soon as I put her down in that crib, she was out. She knows when she wants to sleep, knows when she wants to eat, and knows when she wants to scream at her mom from the play pen. We do our thing.
Now that she’s almost 1, I want a little something back for myself. My soul is crying out for something more and as usual, this makes me feel bad. I feel guilty for wanting to carve out a little space for myself. I am stressed even thinking about that small amount of time because there is such little opportunity for it. As I mentioned above, Lily doesn’t give me much time to write or clean or just sit while she’s awake. This may be my fault for not making sure she has some planned “alone play” time when we’re together. I will work on this. For now though, I get that sweet nap time to partake in one or if I’m lucky TWO WHOLE THINGS for “me.” I use the quotations because “me” doesn’t really want to clean the bathroom, but if “me” doesn’t do it, guess who will? Yep.
As you can see, I’m pretty deep into the mom-martyr thing and it’s not healthy. Even more reason why I need to find a way to make this next chapter a reality. This rambling, venting blog post is my treat today. Thanks for indulging me.
Once upon a time, waaaaaay back in 2014…
I started my own business. I registered my business with the county clerk’s office and everything. Got a separate bank account. It was all so official, and it was the start of my professional dream coming true. I started slow and began working with clients to develop their internet, web, and social media presence. It was exciting. Then, life went on and I got busy having jobs with health insurance, and I let it slip. I always thought, “I’ll come back to it, someday.” When is someday when you have no time? It has to be today. It has to start today.
Today, even if I hack at it in 10 minute (let’s be real.. 7 minute) intervals, so be it. Back in 2014, I wanted to help businesses build their digital empire, and today, I will start to rebuild mine. It’s me time.